Friday, May 27, 2011

Good Vibrations Part 2

Information without getting this involved in the demonstration

As promised in part 1, the second part of the sex-toy-extravaganza will cover advance toy user information, specific toy types, and information key to lesbian sex toy use (and probably more bad puns). Once you're used to sex toys as a concept, there's really no limit to what all can be done with them; they're as varied and specialized as any tool (which is what they really are) and not just useful in the sex life of us gay girls.

Let's start out by talking about safe sex in the lesbian community. I know, I know, I'm constantly harping on the safe sex and better sex education thing, but with how ill-informed most people are in these matters (because of the aforementioned shit sex ed in this country) I feel like I should bring it up again. The lesbian community is one of the lowest risk sexual communities out there, but just like owning a Mac, low risk doesn't mean no risk. We have fewer sexual partners, have less sex (unfortunately), and our sexual contact tends to be of the less infectious type, which all results in a lower rate of sexual infections. This doesn't mean safe sex isn't important though, especially when it comes to toy use. If you are sexually active with many partners making it through your bedroom and likely making good use of the toys you're keeping there, thorough cleansing between each partner is of utmost importance especially when it comes to toys with ridges, grooves, or realistic (shudder) veins and textures. Viruses and bacteria need biologically active environments to survive, but pussy juice definitely qualifies as biologically active and can settle in these little areas where a once over with a wet nap won't get to them. Thorough cleaning is required between each partner making use of a dishwasher if you're able on the non-electronic toys and liberal use of sanitizer if you're not able to (hand sanitizer works well but make sure you use a lot of it and rub it in really well).

Sexy bike chains?

One of the riskier, but less common, sex practices of the lesbian community involving accoutrement is BDSM. Whips, chains, restrains, and those cats of nine-tails thingies can break skin, are usually made of porous leather that will soak up blood (biologically active to the extreme) and can transfer infection through open wounds. Sadly, disinfecting these items is a whole lot harder without ruining them entirely. So either practice extreme care in how you use them to not break skin, and, if you do, plan on replacing the things you use on rotating partners. A good plan in this case, if you like being whipped, is to keep a dedicated set of BDSM gear that is strictly for you and doesn't get used on partners passing through your bed.

Turning our attention to different types of toys, we find that there are multitasking devices and task-specific toys. There are four major erogenous zones stimulated by toys on women (there are a whole lot more total, but toys only focus on four of them) and several toys that approach each one or can be used on many of them: breasts, internal vaginal, external vaginal, and anal. Many toys can cross boundaries on these, vibrators for example can stimulate internally and externally and also feel pretty nice on the breasts as well. One major caution here though is not swapping toys from anal to vaginal. There are things that live in the anal cavity that should just stay there and will cause problems if you cross over to the vagina, so don't do it. Dedicated sets for each orifice is ideal, but extremely thorough cleaning between the two usages is acceptable.

One of the cases where asking first is always a good idea
Anal toys include plugs, beads, vibrators, and dildos all specific to the task. This is one of the more taboo types for women and honestly doesn't carry the same erogenous boon for women that it does for men (our matching structure to a prostate is the g-spot, which isn't found in our ass). Still, there are nerve endings, there are muscles, and there is the naughtiness factor to anal stimulation that women can enjoy; however, climaxing from pure anal stimulation seems to be something men excel at and is almost impossible for us. This is something worth trying, but don't feel bad if you don't enjoy it and don't feel ashamed if you do (you're in good company either way). I think of anal toys as something like strong coffee or bitter beer--it's an acquired taste, it isn't for everyone, but those who enjoy it really enjoy it. Some toys like plugs are meant to stay inside, be moved around a little for stimulation, but don't require a lot of activity for their sensation. Beads are typically withdrawn slowly during vaginal climax to increase sensation. And dildos and vibrators are often used in almost exactly the same way anally as they are vaginally. If you are going this direction there are two pieces of advice that we can take from our fag brethren: go slow and go lubed. You can never take too much time in the relaxation or lubricating steps, so don't glass over them or it will be both unpleasant and potentially harmful.

Breast toys are a little on the rarer side and tend to orbit around the BDSM function of most of them. There are nipple clamps with chains, pliers, etc, but there are also breast toys that kind of stick to the nipples and vibrate or suction. They're rarer, hard to work, and can be pretty expensive. Even if you're not into full on BDSM, there can be fun to be had with nipple clamps, but the tweaking, painful sensation is not always fun for everyone. There are two major types of clamps, the kind that look like little screw down vices and the ones that look like little alligator clothespins. They do not work equally well for all people and when they slip off, it can hurt. Experiment around with both; there are people who will swear one is far better than the other, and they're usually just telling you what works best for them, so find what works best for you. Also, there is no reason on earth you can use a regular vibrator of any kind on your breasts; intended purpose doesn't mean only purpose, so try it out and see if you get something from it.

Vaginal toys are split into two functions with a lot of crossover between them. Things designed to stimulate the clit and things designed to stimulate the g-spot/internal vaginal cavity can bring out two wildly different types of orgasm if you're predisposed. Many women cannot climax from vaginal only stimulation, but that doesn't mean vaginal stimulation can't add to clitoral orgasms. More importantly, you may be one of the women who DOES climax from vaginal stimulation but you just haven't figured out how yet. What I do recommend is trying both at once to see what you can make of it all.

Clitoral stimulators can come in tiny little packages like butterflies or inside underwear bullets, but can also be as big as the Hitachi wand massager, which plugs into the wall and can be so intense some women have to dull the sensation by putting a blanket or garment between themselves and the vibrating head. This clit is a marvel of evolution (or creationism if you believe god or the flying spaghetti monster built the clit from clay and bits of heaven) with double the nerve endings of the head of a penis. It is also the primary location of most female climax; Freud called these orgasms "juvenile" but I think Freud was cocaine addict with a sexual thing for his mother, so let's just call clitoral orgasms "awesome." There is a feedback variable on clitoral orgasms that doesn't exist on vaginal. I'm sure we've all felt it, that too intense to even be breathed on point where you've run the nerves to the point of practically firing on their own. You can accidentally trigger this too often or too quickly with vibrators, which is where the concept of "vibrator addiction" came from since most tongues and fingers can't match that level of stimulation. The key is to mix things up, find exactly the point things work for you, and not overdo it too often.

Internal vaginal stimulation is combined equal parts of filling and g-spot stimulation. Wanting to feel penetrated does not mean feeling heterosexual, ladies, so don't worry about losing your Vagitarian card over an urge to feel fucked sometimes. Sexuality is far more about who is doing the penetrating than what is doing the penetrating. There are inert toys (dildos) for internal stimulation that can and will perform some g-spot stimulation, but also function to give a filled feeling, which is highly pleasurable. Specific g-spot stimulators tend to have the curved up head and vibrate since finding and hitting the g-spot can sometimes be problematic with straight toys unless you're a master of angles and dipping correctly (and some of us are, but don't feel bad if you need a specific toy for this they're good even if you don't necessarily need them).

Your shopping list just got a lot hotter

There are plenty of toys that combine functionality (internal and external at the same time) but don't feel bad if you find you either don't want or need both at once, or are getting more from one side than the other. More importantly, packing a treasure trove of toys can allow you to do as much or as little stimulation of your erogenous zone as possible. If you want to use all four at once, have all four tools for the job, and feel like blowing your pleasure sensors out your ears, by all means stimulate all four zones at once! I've personally tried this and found it complex, confusing, and a little silly, but you might be better at sexually multitasking than I am.

Speaking of personal stuff, keeping toys is a personal endeavor and steps should be taken to keep it that way. My girlfriend and I use a heavy-duty plastic bin with a lid and places to put padlocks to keep my curious little nephew and nosy mother out of trouble when they come to visit. Hiding places (like the nightstand drawer) are not as secret as you might think, considering a lot of people will open the drawer just to see what's in there. They're also not necessarily the most sanitary place as things other than sex toys routinely share space in these "hiding" places. Storage is important and should be done with care to ensure your toys are safely concealed from anyone who isn't planning on using them and sanitary for when they are used. Sealable plastic containers are always a good option; the locks are up to you, but have saved a lot of explaining for surprise visits from my relatives. As gross as it is to think about this, pets can also be a problem for improperly cleaned or stored toys; if you have a dog (and a lot of lesbians do), air-tight containers they can't get into in locations they can't reach should be something you consider. Seriously, take a look at their chew toys and take a look at your toys--their doggy brains probably aren't going to be able to tell the difference.

I have a few personal favorite recommendations to share now for each category in addition to the encouragement to use sealing plastic containers for storage:
Better than the FDA when it comes to sex toys

Breast stimulation -- I'm an occasional clamp user. While I've seen, tried, and laughed at the sensation of nipple sucking devices, I'm not really convinced they're anything but novelty. I like the alligator clamp types, use them very rarely, and usually can only keep them on for a little while. I like the way they look (since I'm into piercings although not my nipples) but not necessarily the BDSM aspects of their use. The alligator clips are easiest to get off too, which is why I like them; being able to unhook them quickly when I'm done with them is a huge bonus to me.

Anal stimulation -- While I'm not a big user of these types of toys, I do own them, have used them, and do like them when I'm in the right mood. I'm not into the too much effort or focus on that area though, so I do recommend this plug with a dopey name (find one that fits comfortably-size definitely isn't everything) and occasionally beads, although even this is often too much anterior focus for my tastes.

Clitoral stimulation -- If there is something better than the Hitachi wand massager for this, I have no idea what it is. The thing plugs in so there's no need for batteries, has multiple heads to find what you like best, is available most everywhere since it isn't intended as a sex toy (yeah right), and gives some of the world's best orgasms. Storing it is difficult since it is a monster, you do have to masturbate near a grounded outlet, and it isn't remotely water proof, but these are drawbacks you'll ignore when you realize it is the Cadillac of vibrators. Keep in mind, you might need to use it through your clothes or a blanket if you're not up to the raw power it has, and it does have some power behind it.

Internal stimulation -- I am one of the lucky, lucky, lucky few women who can climax through vaginal stimulation alone; my girlfriend Nikki, also one of the lucky few although she's better at it, has deeper climaxes than I do that way, and it doesn't take much time at all for her. Jealousy of her insanely orgasmic nature aside, I do feel fortunate to be one of the ones who can. Simple works best on this for me, and an average, g-spot dedicated vibrator with an egg ending is usually the most effective way to have a g-spot orgasm. The Easy Touch doesn't look like much, doesn't cost much, but it really doesn't need to for how well it does its one dedicated task of g-spot stimulation.

Finally, to wrap this all up, I feel like I have to mention double-ended dildos or shared toys. Honestly, I don't really know a lot about these. We've tried one with spotty success, but kind of just let it sit at the bottom of the toy chest now since we prefer intimate positions the double-ended things don't really allow while still doing much. Maybe I'm not the most skilled toy ninja in the world since I can't seem to make one of these things work, but I'll admit it: I can't seem to make one of these things work. Plus, and this is kind of a weird mental hangup, the end scene in Requiem For a Dream scared the hell out of me not only because Jennifer Connelly is one of my childhood crushes (thank you Labyrinth for that) but because my girlfriend looks strikingly similar to Miss Connelly. If anyone knows a good usage for these things (and wasn't mentally scarred by the ass-to-ass scene from Requiem) feel free to leave the info in the comment section.

I hope you enjoyed the two-part-toy-extravaganza. I also hope this encourages you to branch out, try new things, and keep your toys both safe and sanitary. As my high school coaches were so prone to saying: anything worth doing is worth doing well. And I really feel like that should apply to masturbation and toy-driven sex as well.

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