Shameless Self-Promotion Part 1

This cartoon was a little before my time, but I've heard the meme and thought it was funny.

The Reality for 99% of authors in the world is self-promotion. Even authors within the Big Four publishing houses (Harper Collins, Penguin Group, Random House, and Toll House Cookies...I mean Simon and Schuster) have to do their own promotion because the publisher can't be bothered to advertise for anyone who isn't Stephanie Meyer or Stephen King. Every other press/publishing house is labeled indie and few of these have the resources to launch much of a marketing campaign on their own behalf, never mind one of their authors. I can hear the confusion already in my readers, "But Cassandra, we all know you're talented and beautiful, but this can't be true about the Big Four. I've seen ads for Signet books in the New York Times." This is exactly what the Big Four want you to think! Every major publishing house is actually a giant conglomeration of sub-divisions that give the appearance of diversity where none actually exists. Signet, one of the major publishers of Stephen King's books, is actually just the Penguin Group. Dell Publishing, the late Kurt Vonnegut's publisher, is Random House. And so on...

I'm published by a small indie press for my novels and a small indie magazine based in Australia for my column. This is the reality for so many freelance writers and struggling authors. I like the personal attention from smaller indies personally. I know my illustrator's name--it's Katiie, spelled just like that for some reason, and she's great. She listens to me, adjusts her work to my input, and actually reads my work so she'll know what the pictures are supposed to look like. The covers and internal illustrations look how I want them to. The Big Four will tell the author, "This is your cover. We're putting logos here, here, and here. And a review from someone here. Feel free to direct your notes to that brick wall over yonder." It's the same thing with Sass Magazine. I know my editor's name--it's Annie, spelled just like that. She responds to my e-mails, is friends with me on Facebook, and has yet to tell me to direct any notes or comments to a brick wall. As much as I like Day Moon Press and Sass Magazine for their personal care and interest in my happiness, I am still left to do my own promotion, but I would probably have to do that even if I was published by one of the Big Four.

See this lovely work by Katiie? It's like she read the story.

I'm getting boring, talking too much about the industry, and that's not why people read my blog. It's like reading an economics thesis at a burlesque club. Sure, it might be important and interesting to some people, but it's not why people bought tickets. Let's get to the sexy, funny stuff...

My 2nd collection--Cover by Katiie and myself

"Astral Liaisons" is a collection of eight short stories (my usual amount per collection) with a 50's pulp science-fiction motif. It's available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

To be perfectly honest, the primary goal of this collection was to put a lot more group sex into the stories. I have a threesome where a couple seduces a straight girl in "The Flesh Menagerie" a fourgy (four person orgy--thanks NOFX for the term) in "Of Pirates and Politicians" and I'm not sure what you'd call the pollination room scene in "Growing a New Garden" but it involves a ludicrous number of women. I don't know why I had that as a goal when I started writing the collection, but I think I succeeded in spectacular fashion of bringing polyamory to the pages of my books.

The second goal, was to put something of an homage to all the work that came before me. Granted Megan Rose Gedris is only four years older than me, but her comic books are awesome and definitely influenced me. Throw Kurt Vonnegut into the mix along with four years of high school spent watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, and you've got a pretty clear picture of how this book came together. In the gaming world, these little gems of insider information scattered throughout a larger work are called "Easter Eggs" being a crazy gamer girl, this had a huge appeal to me and so they're all over the book.

The third, and final goal, was to launch a story that inspired my first, full-length novel, due out this summer. "The Gunfighter and The Gear-Head" is a mix of steampunk, alien invasion, and old-west, following a former Victoria's Secret model turned post-apocalyptic gunslinger (very loosely based on my girlfriend) and a brainy, but somewhat spastic engineering genius who is one of the last scientists on the planet (loosely based on myself--or so people keep telling me). Reading the story won't give away much from the book, but should give a lovely sampler taste of what is to come.

Katiie said she was adjusting this to become the cover for the book. I can't wait!

Most erotica/romance is supposed to serve a purpose, and I feel mine still serves that explicit purpose of being sexually gratifying for the reader, but there's an element of artistry to the story and other literary elements that I feel so much of erotica and romance lacks. Maybe this doesn't matter to most people, maybe erotica is supposed to be ham-fisted literary pornography, and maybe I'm just putting perfume on a pig to claim my stories are fundamentally different. Regardless of whether or not you like the sex, and I'm really hoping you will, I wrote the characters to be vibrating and interesting and the story compelling enough to be interesting in its own right even if you took out all the group sex, strap-ons, and pussy-licking.

My readership, which is still in the hundreds right now, is a lot more diverse than I originally thought. I was trying to bring lesbian fiction to a lesbian audience when I began writing these stories and books, seeking out lesbian publishers who shared my vision, and for the most part, I think that's worked out. I have recently come across a few straight male readers, straight female readers, and bisexual female readers who enjoyed the books. I'm so insular in my little lesbian world that I hadn't even stopped to consider this as a possibility. I'm glad it worked out this way though--sex and fiction are universal and should be enjoyed by all regardless of author intent. I've spoken with more than a few female authors and readers who read and write male on male erotica and romance, and isn't that wonderful!

To address the smattering of requests I've received to start including men sexually into my stories...no plans for that in the near future. Besides, as a gold star lesbian, my understanding of heterosexual sex is only theoretical.

Lesbian Bed-Death

Originally Published in Sass Magazine in February 2011:

Dan Savage, the fag counterpart to my dyke-ness, often says the only qualification needed for a sex advice columnist is people asking for advice. I like this, but I also don’t agree with it completely. When it comes to sex advice, I believe having a lot of sex, a healthy respect and love of sex, and the ability to communicate experiences with sex is equally important. I’m sure Mr. Savage is qualified in this respect as well, but his expertise in sex tends to be of the man on man type, while mine is entirely woman on woman. I have other qualifications as well, gold-star, romance/erotica writer, notorious sex-fiend, etc., but the most important thing I have to offer is answers to questions unique to lesbian sex.

Lesbian Bed Death: When Girlfriends Become Roommates.

This is probably the primary issue, and feared outcome, of most lesbian relationships. We have so many fantastic excuses for not only why it happens, but why it is okay that it happens. For those of you who don’t know about this phenomenon (good for you by the way if this is the first you’re hearing about it) it’s when the sex drives of both ladies completely drops off and you end up with two cuddly friends who happen to share a bed.

My favorite explanation to hate is the lack of a penis in the relationship. Doesn’t it make sense? Without a horny guy and his little yogurt-slinging trouser snake driving sex to happen, how are we ladies to even know if or when we want to have sex? Of course, if this theory were remotely true, it would mean gay male couples would have active sex lives right up until they died of exhaustion from excessive sex. The problem is they can eventually run into the same drop-off in sex, they just take longer getting there. Straight couples run into it as well where both parties, but usually women, list the need to get the spice back into their marriage as one of their primary goals in their relationships. So, if bed death occurs in couples that don’t even have a lesbian involved, we can’t really blame the lack of penile involvement.

Here’s my theory, one that encompasses not only lesbian bed death, but the bed death of couples of all make-ups: people get comfortable. Routine is comfortable, boring sex fits into routine, and usually ends up being cut for lack time/energy/interesting things to do in bed. Bed death isn’t a lesbian-only occurrence, it just happens faster with us because we race headlong into the comfort zone. Question: What does a lesbian bring on a second date? Answer: a U-haul. Sisterhood, the fact that you’ll start cycling with your girlfriend during cohabitation and our urge to merge brings us to the comfortable, routine state in a matter of weeks where it usually takes straight couples years to get to the same point. Biochemically speaking, we’re designed to be comfortable with each other.

How do you morph this lovely, comfy roommate relationship you have back to the steamy love affair you started with? The same way everyone else does: re-ignite your sexual fantasy fire. Our fantasies about our partners taper off when familiarity grows. Part of this is the letting ourselves go thing everyone seems to do in stable relationships, and lesbians tend to be some of the worst offenders. Take care of yourself, not just for yourself, but so your partner will still get tingly feelings when they look at you. Alluring clothes, keeping fit, staying interesting, and just plain old trying to be your partner’s fantasy will all help stave off the dreaded bed death. Stand in front of the mirror in your glasses and sweatpants and ask yourself: would you fuck her? Putting effort into yourself will encourage your partner’s efforts in bed.

One huge problem in any long term relationship is the lack of tantalizing fantasies. Either you didn’t come in with many or, more likely, you’ve done to death most everything you wanted to do. Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t grow new fantasies; most people just don’t bother to. Here is where people struggle based on their own restrictions when it comes to outside sources. If you had the ability to spontaneously think of fantastically hot things to do, bed death wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. There are how-to books on the subject that’ll give you a million ideas, with pictures, and encouragement to purchase ancillary products, but, like all self-help programs, they imply you don’t have to do any of the work, which is completely false. The answer is porn in all its various forms. We are living in a golden age (or as close as we’ve ever been) for lesbian porn. There are several studios now that cast actual lesbians, have lesbian directors, and don’t have a male anywhere near the set (Girlfriends Films, Cyber-Dyke, LezSex, Crash Pad Series, etc.). They all have very good ideas that could easily be adapted to your love life, plus, they’re really hot, and what better way to start thinking about sex than to see people having sex? If you’re not ready to take the leap to a DVD powered love life, or you’re a more text-based individual, and a lot of us are, why not try erotica and romance? I’m not just saying this as a romance author either. The fantasies I’ve read in the erotica I love have fueled my own sex life for years. Find fantasies you like and share them with your girlfriend. Encourage her to find fantasies she likes and share them with you. Go out, find sexual gems, and bring them back to your relationship; your partnership does not exist on an island. With the amazing collection of lesbian porn for lesbians and e-reader copies of erotica books, the ability to bring in outside creativity material is easier and more discrete than ever.

Say YES. This is simple, when she’s in the mood, and you’re not, say yes, and do the work to get yourself in the mood, or encourage her to do the work to get you into the mood. Ladies, let’s be honest here, we hate rejection, we don’t often risk it, and of all rejections, sexual is just about the worst, isn’t it? Take that out of the equation by making a deal with your partner to endeavor to say YES as often as possible. When you know your advances are appreciated and accepted, you’ll be more likely to make them. This creates reciprocity, something astoundingly important in lesbian sex, and will make her feel more comfortable to come to you when she’s in the mood knowing you’ll be receptive. The question of who should instigate sex should always be whoever is horny.

Finally, and this is the most important step to take, stop taking your partner for granted. When you lose the fear of losing your girlfriend, you lose the motivation to do things to keep them, and those things are most often the ones that lead to sex. If you still take the time to make her feel special out of the bedroom, she’ll take the time to make you feel special in the bedroom.

Bed death is both avoidable and curable with a little effort, a little porn/erotica, and a lot of saying yes that’ll lead to screaming yes later.